Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Missy Higgins

"Forgive Me"

Oh my son look at what I've done
But I am learning still
Learning still
Know that I am learning still
And oh my wife you are my life
And I am burning still
Burning still
Know that I am burning for you still

And all, all, all of my light is for you
And home, home's anywhere you are too
So take this one fallen man on his knees
Saying please forgive me

Oh my God how you make it hard
Not to pick the apple
Pick the apple
And Lord I long to give it back

And I was on shakey land
Lost and unsure I opened my hand
And she held it like sinking sand

And all, all, all of my light is for you
And home, home's anywhere you are too
So take this one fallen man on his knees
Saying please

All, all, all of my light is for you
And home, home's anywhere you are too
So take this one fallen man on his knees
Saying please forgive me
Forgive me
Forgive me

Thursday, November 18, 2010

college :)

Its been SO LONG since I last wrote! This needs to change very soon...

So many things have changed since I've been here. I love it here.
college. friends. new place. moving out. decorating. out with the old, in with the new. on my own. classes. grades. midterms. a ridiculous amount of papers. boys. little drama. dance. games. parties. fun. girlfriends. sleepovers. late night walks. freshman fifteen. new me. dorms. annoying people. funny people. just..different people. professors. independence. coffee. performances. homework. no sleep. laziness. responsibility. tears. laughter. time management. learning. food. music. community living. life lessons. mmm college! <3

I'm having so much fun and learning a ton. My first semester is nearly over now and I can't wait to see what the rest of the year brings :)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

chocolate milk

Ahhh yes. That yummy drink from our childhoods. There's nothing like coming home from a long day of learning how to add and subtract and spell words like "cat" and "dog," and sitting down as your mom pours a tall glass of cold milk...and hands you the Hershey's chocolate syrup and a spoon. You begin to pour the chocolatey goodness that is Hershey's into your glass until you're satisfied. While stirring the milk, you notice how the chocolate makes a pretty swirl in the white milk and for only a moment, you're fully entertained. Suddenly, the chocolate is all mixed in and this beautiful creation of a drink stands before you. You're mouth waters as you pick up the glass. Chugging down every last ounce before even taking a breath...each drink better than the last! You're day is MADE. One...last...gulp...
and its gone!

You set the glass down, take a deep breath, and run back outside to play in the sunshine.

I love chocolate milk :)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

attention ladies and gentlemen!

So, I was at Kroger tonight getting ice cream and as I got out of my car to walk inside, two older guys in the parking lot drove past me, windows down, and yelled at me "hey! you have a nice a**!" This disrespectful and completely inappropriate comment got me thinking...sooo many guys are like that!
Ladies, how many times have you been hit on by random strangers out in public? Or even by your guy friends just "testing the waters" with a "harmless" flirtatious comment about your body? I say testing the waters because they are trying to see if you'll take the bait and run with it. You might think its a joke, but 9 times out of 10 if you respond in a way that lets them think you like that kind of attention, it'll go much further and may take an ugly physical turn.
So here's my issue: RESPECT. I'm sick and tired of guys looking at girls and saying things like "dude she's so sexy" or "i want a piece of that." I'm sick and tired of guys showing such a HUGE lack of respect for women. I'm sick and tired of guys thinking we're just on this earth to have sex with them. Rather than saying "she's so sexy," I want to hear more guys saying things like "wow, she is beautiful." It would be such an amazing change for guys to start seeing the BEAUTY in women rather than the sexuality!

To the girls: stop letting these guys think it's ok to treat you this way! let them KNOW its wrong and you won't allow it or accept it. Stop calling each other sluts and hoes and other disrespectful names because all you're doing is making it ok for THEM to call YOU that! And it's not ok. You are absolutely beautiful women and you deserve so much better than the cat calls and the inappropriate comments about your body. MAKE THE MEN RESPECT YOU. It starts with respecting yourself.

To the boys: If you are respecting women, treating them as more than just a sex object, reminding them that they are beautiful and not just sexy, THANK YOU. You are rare and fine gentlemen and the women appreciate that more than you know. Keep it up! To the guys that aren't doing that, start. Enough with the name calling, the sexual comments and gestures, the hit-ons. Respect the ladies and they'll respect you. The girls may laugh at first and think its flattering that you are checking them out and think they're hot or whatever, but deep down it kind of hurts. It makes us feel like all we are to you is a piece of meat you can't wait to get your hands on, instead of a person. Like, you just want us for our bodies and couldn't care less what we think or have to say. Treat us how we should be treated. You have no idea how much we'll appreciate it.

Well, that's all for now :) My thoughts for the night. Please take them to heart. It's kind of an important thing.

Monday, August 9, 2010

young love

How many times have we (girls in particular) gotten up in the morning and the first thing on our minds is a guy? (or a girl, if you're a guy). How many times have we gone a full day and NOT been able to get them off our minds? Everything we do, everything we hear, everything we see..reminds us of that "special someone." How many times have we thought we're in love? At 15 years old, girls are sitting in their bedrooms on the phone with their best friends saying things like "i KNOW he's the one! I'm going to marry him. We're soooo in love! He's perfect and we're going to be together forever!!" A week later they're broken up because he flirted with another girl in third period. Then, this 15 year old falls "in love" again and again with several more guys before the end of the school year. We've all seen it a million times! Most of us have been there.

So, what makes us jump to such conclusions about our immature relationships? We're so quick to assume that the second someone gives us the attention we're so desperately craving for whatever it physical or emotional or just some kind words that make our hearts melt...then we think we're in love and that they're in love with us. We have this longing desire as human beings, I think, to be loved. And to love. We want to make someone happy and someone to make us happy, someone to complete us. Someone to fill an otherwise empty space in our life from a troubled childhood or lacking love from a parent, whatever the excuse may be. I've fallen prey to this more times than I care to admit. It's sad and if we're honest with ourselves, often pathetic.

I'm reading "Dear John" right now, by Nicholas Sparks. It's an adorable love story and I absolutely melt at every chapter (I'm a hopeless romantic and have unrealistic expectations about love, I know). Anyway, everytime I start to tear up or mutter a quiet "aww" at something cute that happens in the book, my mom looks at me and says "you know none of the stuff in that book actually happens in real life, right?" At first, I was irritated and angry that she would smash my dreams of a relationship like what John and Savannah have! But...then I started thinking. She's right. She's absolutely right. I mean, how often do relationships like this REALLY happen? Boy meets girl, love at first sight, can't get each other out of their heads, want to spend every waking moment together, head over heels in love, happily ever after? Granted, I haven't finished the book yet, so I don't know how it ends. I'm just making my assumptions. But it's very rare to actually see a love like that transpire.

I dream of a slow, perfect romance. Starting out as friends, slowly becoming more and more, never getting too physical so that the relationship doesn't become all about that and it's focused primarily on honoring God, honoring each other, respecting each other's wishes, making each other happy, and eventually falling in love; never throwing around the words "I love you" until we mean them.
I dream of falling in love with the perfect man, having the perfect relationship, the perfect wedding, the perfect kids and living in the perfect house. Every little girls dream, I'm sure. Maybe it'll happen. Maybe I'll be lucky. Or, maybe I won't. I won't know that for a while because I'm barely 18. I'm in no hurry to rush off and get married to the first guy that says he loves me. Perhaps he does. Unlikely, but possible. Too many guys use the words "i love you" as a way to get another notch in their bed post while the girl gets another broken heart and shattered dream. So maybe God has brought me that man, maybe I know him right now, talk to him everyday, hang out with him, and I don't know yet that he's the one for me. Or maybe He hasn't. Maybe God will make me wait. I've never been very good at waiting, I'm not a patient person. But something tells me waiting for this, will be totally worth it and make it (when it finally does happen) THAT much more wonderful! But I'm done acting like a silly teenage girl that thinks she's in love with every cute boy she sees, "oooh-ing" and "ahhh-ing" at every pretty smile and sweet word. My prince charming will come. Or maybe he already has.


As I sit down with my laptop in my living room, in the house I've lived in forever, in the town I've grown up in, after an ordinary day and the same ordinary routine I've lived for the last eighteen years, I'm faced with a decision. I have huge decisions to make that could potentially...probably will, affect the rest of my life.
My life can stay the same. Normal, everyday routine, living in the same house, driving the same car, going to the same stores. Same sights, same roads, same people, same places. Or I can make a change. I can go to a new place and start over. New people, new home, new begining, a new normal. This decision is completely up to me and I don't have a clue what I want...

I start over, to be in a new tropical environment, I want to be on my own but with my family at the same time, I want to enjoy life, I want to write, I want to dance, I want to meet new people, I want to fall in love, I want to learn, I want to try new foods, I want to take risks, I want to be carefree, I want to have fun, I want to travel, I want to sleep under a palm tree, I want to play in the rain during a thunderstorm, I want to lay on the beach by myself in the middle of the night, stare at the stars and thank God for the wonderful life He's given me. I want to live, love, and laugh like there's no tomorrow. I want to serve God. I want to be a good example and a light to others. I want people to remember me and I want to leave a legacy.

I want to sing like no one is listening. I want to dance like no one is watching. I want to love like I've never been hurt. And have no regrets.

I guess the only question left is..where do I go from here? This decision will affect the rest of my life. I'm so focused on the people around me, what they want, their opinions and desires, that I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't know where I want to go or where I want to be. Of course I'll take them into consideration but... I want to do what's best for ME. And that's all that needs to matter in the end.

I just pray that God gives me the guidance I need to make this decision. And that He opens my eyes to things I need to see, opens my heart to things I need to feel and opens my mind to all the things I need to consider. I know whatever I decide, He will lead me. I will follow.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

how precious

So my mom went to the doctor today for a physical. A simple physical. Her doctor did an EKG and was asking her some questions about her heart and such, quickly discovering the chest pains and extreme shortness of breath were definitely something to be worried about. So, the doctor recommended she go to the local heart hospital and get some tests done to find out whats going on. They end up putting her in the emergency room for several hours doing tests and have her hooked up to an IV and oxygen. Well after several good results from these tests, they decide its probably ok to go home for now but she needs to go back for more in-depth tests to find out whats going on...They come back in the room and decide, no, just kidding, we're keeping you at least over night because you're heart rate and shortness of breath are too bad. So they admitted her to the hospital, moved her to a room and got us all set up for a nice long night in the hospital...worrying, waiting, scared.

This just got me precious life is and how much we take it forgranted. I mean, you can wake up one morning feeling perfectly fine, go off to the doctor for a perfectly normal physical, then end up in the hospital an hour later, wondering if you're going to end up having heart surgery or not. Its such a scary thought. Live every moment of life to the fullest and dont take anything forgranted. You never know how long you'll have that luxury. Take a deep breath, and smile. Thank God for that breath. Thank God for life. Stop and smell the roses. Watch a sunrise or a sunset and be still. Savor every moment of this precious life God gives us. He can easily take it away in a second.

Thankfully, nothing serious (that we know of so far) is going on with mom. But we do know of a hiatal hernia and gallstone. :( More tests in the morning and possibly a heart catherization. Prayers are greatly appreciated.

((r.i.p. daddy))