As I sit down with my laptop in my living room, in the house I've lived in forever, in the town I've grown up in, after an ordinary day and the same ordinary routine I've lived for the last eighteen years, I'm faced with a decision. I have huge decisions to make that could potentially...probably will, affect the rest of my life.
My life can stay the same. Normal, everyday routine, living in the same house, driving the same car, going to the same stores. Same sights, same roads, same people, same places. Or I can make a change. I can go to a new place and start over. New people, new home, new begining, a new normal. This decision is completely up to me and I don't have a clue what I want...
I want...to start over, to be in a new tropical environment, I want to be on my own but with my family at the same time, I want to enjoy life, I want to write, I want to dance, I want to meet new people, I want to fall in love, I want to learn, I want to try new foods, I want to take risks, I want to be carefree, I want to have fun, I want to travel, I want to sleep under a palm tree, I want to play in the rain during a thunderstorm, I want to lay on the beach by myself in the middle of the night, stare at the stars and thank God for the wonderful life He's given me. I want to live, love, and laugh like there's no tomorrow. I want to serve God. I want to be a good example and a light to others. I want people to remember me and I want to leave a legacy.
I want to sing like no one is listening. I want to dance like no one is watching. I want to love like I've never been hurt. And have no regrets.
I guess the only question left is..where do I go from here? This decision will affect the rest of my life. I'm so focused on the people around me, what they want, their opinions and desires, that I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't know where I want to go or where I want to be. Of course I'll take them into consideration but... I want to do what's best for ME. And that's all that needs to matter in the end.
I just pray that God gives me the guidance I need to make this decision. And that He opens my eyes to things I need to see, opens my heart to things I need to feel and opens my mind to all the things I need to consider. I know whatever I decide, He will lead me. I will follow.